Mercury Retrograde

Well, I’m writing again to pour out what I’m feeling. I wish I could travel through time, be able to think clearly and see reality without its masks. I’d love to leave my cowardice behind and live the present like I’m savoring an ice cream. I’d love to repeat the past without fearing the future; to center myself and, without faltering, find my footing again. To not break into tiny pieces every time you speak to me and not feel the guilt of wanting to end it. I’d like so many things that are no longer happening and never will. All I can do is cry; I can't even think. I can barely breathe, though occasionally I imagine. I don’t want to be here anymore; I want to fly far away and escape for a while. I don’t want this reality anymore—a reality that hurts even more when you’re not here.